I've been putting off this post due to embarrassment, but then I realized that there is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about. You see, I messed up and gained... A lot. But the important thing that I focused on was the fact that I went to my meeting even though I knew I was going to gain.
It was not an easy thing to see. In fact, my eyes may have filled with tears while I talked to the receptionist about why I self-sabotage (we didn't make any progress). I text my best friend and my husband. I began to realize that part of it is because I'm afraid that when I lose weight and get to goal I won't think any differently about my body and another part is that I'm afraid of seeing success and then gaining it all back again.
A 5 pound gain. Whoops! And I haven't turned it around yet.. I get 31 points a day and Tuesday I used 79 points, yesterday I used 39 and today I'm up to 61. But I'm okay with that. You see, I'm tracking. Everything. It may not be pretty, but it's going to be okay. It's a step in the right direction.
There's another thing keeping me going. I may be at a grand total lost of 0.6 after 10 weeks of paying for Weight Watchers, but I've lost inches and I'm really happy about that progress.
Original measurements taken 7/2:
Bust: 40"
Waist: 34.5"
Hips: 44"
Left thigh: 24.5"
Right thigh: 24.25"
Left arm: 12.5"
Right arm: 13"
Measurements taken 7/29:
Bust: 39.5" (-0.5)
Waist: 33.5" (-1)
Hips: 43.5" (-0.5)
Left thigh: 24.75" (+.25)
Right thigh: 24.5" (+.25)
Left arm: 12.5"
Right arm: 13"
Progress! You see, there are plenty of ways to track the improvements you are making and even though you may not see progress in one area you could still see it in another area.
I have also filled out my training plan for August. I am really excited to work my way through the month and make some physical improvements in my running and to get in some strength training. I bought a stationary bike earlier this month and I am really looking forward to doing some cross training as well. It seems pretty full, however every day has "walk dog" and Monday-Friday have "walk @ work" which have both become a part of my daily routine. I think it just helps to have them on there to track my progress.
I need a win right now, so I tried to make the calendar something that I could stick to. We shall see how the month goes before I commit to anything else. I can track and I can workout. I can make better food choices from this point on. I can be nicer to myself. Well, I can try.
In the meantime, I have quite a lot of other happier things going on in my life.
Isabel starts swim lessons on Saturday. She was finally promoted to the next level and I cannot wait to see her back in the water. She has improved tremendously this summer and I love watching her learn new things and then excel in them.
Patrick has inventory coming up at the end of next month. Although it means he will be at work more than he will be at home, that's okay because it also means overtime. He's also done well in every inventory he's been a part of and I have a feeling this time will be no different. I cannot begin to express how proud I am of him and everything that he has accomplished since being promoted.
The cat and dog are getting along better than I could have ever expected or wanted and I cannot wait to see their relationship progress. Getting Camper was a wonderful decision and Patrick and I couldn't be happier with our growing family.
The house is coming along. I will be posting an update tomorrow with pictures of our bedroom (my favorite room in the house). I just need to take the "after" pictures and make a post with them. Then I'll only have the living room, kitchen, laundry room and kids bathroom to update. And the yards/back garden and garage once those are completed (but those won't be done for awhile).
I do need to start blogging again more regularly. Whether it's a workout update, a mileage update, a weight loss update or just a post to get out some thoughts about how things are going or so that I can focus on something else other than the negative thoughts. I know that it helps to talk about it and get it out. I can't keep bottling it in because that's when I start to believe it.
So for now I can just look at what needs to happen tonight, that's as far as I need to go. And tonight's agenda is: taking Camper for a walk with Isabel, watering the plants and some chores around the house. I can commit to those things.
I'm going to be okay. At 185 or at 165. I know that because I know that I am me and nothing is going to change no matter how much I gain or lose. The important part is being happy with who I am in the body that I have now.
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