Weigh In

Starting weight: 183.8

Goal weight: 163.8

Last weeks weight: 179.2

Current weight: 180.8

Current +/-: +1.6

Total +/-: -3.0

BMI: 26.7

Body fat %: 28.5%

Well, it's pretty obvious that my rate of weight loss is a lot slower than it would be if I wasn't running as much as I am or working out as often as I am. Today will mark my 18th day in a row of working out (some days more intense than others), and I am into my third week of scheduled workouts with zero skipped workouts, and a few rescheduled exercises. 

It's because I am going to be in training mode for a while that I'm going to add in the body fat percentage as a form of measurement. I am excited to see the changes my body will make from strength training and how it will affect my running, but I know from experience that I don't have a fast rate of weight loss to begin with, add on top of it training and strength and it slows even more, add on top of that I'm less than 20 pounds from my "goal"/healthy weight and it slows even more.. 

Meaning I need additional ways to track my progress other than from the scale. Although the scale is the easiest form, it's not always the most accurate and it doesn't tell the whole story. So I will continue to track my measurements and I will track my body fat %. 

The best part of this journey is that despite the ups and downs I don't feel defeated. In fact, I feel more determined than ever. I'm focused on so much more than losing weight and I think that's such a huge improvement to only being concerned with what the scale says on a daily basis. 

I've made some major changes this past year, especially on my outlook and I am looking forward to bringing that positivity with me into the new year. 2015 is going to be a great one!

San Diego Holiday Half

I did it!! I reached my goal!! 14 half marathons in 2014.. 

It feels so surreal. I don't often complete goals I set for myself, so reaching one that took all year to complete is really meaningful to me and I am so proud of myself for sticking with it and making it work. 

The race started late, which was frustrating because there was a strict time limit of 3:15 for the race. They sent reminders about locations of pick ups if you didn't get there by a certain time. I was concerned that I would be picked up even if I stayed ahead of my goal pace.. In fact, that's what I thought about for most of the race, that I wouldn't finish my last race of the year due to circumstances out of my control.

I haven't been working on speed, so my main goal for this race was to not get picked up and shuttled to the finish line, but of course I wouldn't be me if I didn't also set other goals along the way. So, I decided to shoot for a finishing time of 2:45 and to have an average pace between 12:30 and 13 minute miles. 

I started out the first two miles just over 13 minutes, due to hills and the usual crowds in the first few miles of a race. When things opened up a bit and the course became more flat and downhill I picked up the pace to between 12:30 and 13 minute miles, exactly where I wanted to be. I finished strong, having the last two miles finished under 12 minutes. I felt strong enough to push the few miles, and I think that's how it's supposed to be when you hold back the first few miles. 

I don't think there are words for what I pushed myself to do this year. I reached a mileage goal early and pushed myself to go farther (just under 13 miles needed to reach that goal by Wednesday), and I pushed myself mentally, physically and financially to make this goal. 

As soon as I saw my mom, Isabel and my niece after the finish I started to cry. Tears of joy and of pride. I don't give myself a lot of credit for the things I push myself to do, always thinking about those who have already accomplished that same goal, those who have accomplished more and those who accomplish those goals better. Lately, though, I've been allowing myself to celebrate not just the finish lines, but all of the steps along the way. 

What a difference that has made in my life. It makes the experiences and all of the training and hard work along the way so much better. Every training run, every mile.. It's all brought me to a realization that I've found something that I'm passionate about, something that I can do anytime. I used to hate it, now I can't wait until I can do it again..

I didn't save my mile by mile pace, but I did (unofficially) reach the goals I set for myself this morning. 

I can't believe the year is over and that I'm going to be working towards new goals in just a few short days. What a year it's been and what a year I'm about to have. 

Finisher pictures from my mom, including crossing the finish line and my medals. I got one for finishing the race and one for completing 4 races in the California race series.. 

Now that Christmas is over, I'm hoping to spend some time cleaning up my section of the garage that I am turning into a gym. I have decided on how I want to organize my race bibs and medals and I cannot wait until it's done. I am very excited to show it off. It's pretty incredible what I've been able to do in 5 years. And I can't wait to see what the next 5 bring. 

I don't want to look back and regret not doing something, which is why I run. I do it now because one day I might not be able to and I don't want to think about all of the things I didn't do. Instead I want to talk about the things I did do, the places I went to, the people I met. 

What a journey.. Here's to the next steps and wherever they may take me! 

A "Do It Yourself" Christmas

Thanks to the wonders of Pinterest, and a pretty empty bank account, I decided to make this year a homemade gift year for the adults in our lives. 

I spent some time looking through the ideas on Pinterest and then used a variety of resources to put them together. 

I like to think that they turned out well, and they were well received, so it was a very Merry Christmas. I was very happy to be able to do something creative and I'm very happy to know that my family is appreciative of those gifts I made. It took a lot of stress off of the holidays and off of our wallets.

Pinterest:

Mine (and Isabel's):

Pinterest: 

Mine: 

A few other crafts I made: 

I also made a wreath for my sisters in-laws that I think turned out well: 

And I made these for my coworkers (along with a scarf for each person), but I forgot to take pictures: 

I ended up saving a lot of ideas, so I'm all set to go for next year! I think next year is definitely going to be another do it yourself Christmas. And I'm really excited about it! I plan on starting a lot earlier so that I don't run out of time or motivation, putting more stress on myself. I also think spreading the cost out over the year will help a lot too. 

The kids were a little easier to shop for this year. My niece got art supplies, the big kids got sport stuff (including a basketball, football, volleyball, volleyball net for the front yard and ping pong table), and Isabel had a very Frozen themed Christmas. 

Patrick was beyond generous, giving me a treadmill for my gym in the garage. I am still speechless that he went above and beyond. I gave him a horseshoe set for the horse shoe pits he wants to build. Lots of activities for our family to do together now.

We were also extremely spoiled by our families and I will be forever grateful for the thought that went into making Christmas so wonderful for everyone.

After being in the Christmas spirit for the past couple months, I'm finally ready for it to come to an end and to start prepping for the New Year and all that it has to bring. Goals are being set and I am excited to see what adventures await us. 

It was a great Christmas and I hope yours was just as good! 

Let the clean up begin!! 

Weigh In

Starting weight: 183.8

Goal weight: 163.8

Current weight: 179.2

Total weight loss: 4.6

I don't know how, and I checked four times, but somehow I managed to lose 2.2 this week!! 

I am beyond motivated to stay in control tonight and my in-laws Christmas party and tomorrow for Christmas dinner. I do plan on splurging, but not going overboard. I want to find a nice balance of choosing the foods I don't get often while staying satisfied and not uncomfortably full.

I woke up early this morning to get in my run. I skipped my run and the bike on Monday (with intentions of making it up later this week), but didn't want to owe myself another run by skipping today just because it's Christmas Eve and I have plans tonight. I already think I'll be owing myself two 30 minute sessions on the bike depending on what time we get home tonight... 

Plus I'm going out of town this weekend. The kids, my mom and I are going to San Diego for my 14th half marathon of 2014. Patrick will have the house entirely to himself and he's off of work too. Lot's of fun yard and housework in his future..

I am so close to reaching my updates mileage goal that I can taste it. It's in sight and I am pushing myself to get there. It's going to take some determination to get myself to go when I don't want to. But, I think being so close to that milestone I will stay motivated.

I am keeping my eye on the goal for this week, which is to enjoy myself during holiday celebrations, continue to exercise and track. 

Mileage Update- Year End

I haven't updated recently on my mileage and found that doing so weekly was too often. So instead I plan on updating at the end of each month. But first a recap from last year..

Monthly mileage goal (December): 154 miles
Monthly mileage as of 12/31: 156.38 miles

  

Yearly mileage goal (original): 1250 miles

Yearly mileage goal (updated): 1400 miles

Yearly mileage goal as of 12/31: 1402.67 miles

January- 146.98

February- 120.77

March- 112.42

April- 106.42

May- 92.90

June- 81.22

July- 108.16

August- 81.99

September- 105.56

October- 155.66

November- 134.15

December- 156.44

  

Total mileage recorded to date (1/1/12-12/31/14): 3152.73 miles

2015 mileage goal- 1702 miles

141.83 miles a month

4.66 miles a day

A Perfect Week

As I mentioned before, I'm not shooting for perfection when it comes to my workout schedule. I've tried that before and all that happens is I put too much pressure on myself and end up sick, injured or burnt out. 

This time around I'm working towards progress, meaning that I do more workouts compared to those skipped, and I allow myself to celebrate the successes that happen while forgiving the missed workouts. 

This past week I had the following scheduled:

Sunday- Santa to the Sea half marathon

Monday- cross: walk/bike

Tuesday- walk, strength: 30 Day Shred Level 1

Wednesday- cross: walk/bike, run

Thursday- walk, strength: 30 Day Shred Level 1 

Friday- cross: walk 5 miles, bike

Saturday- walk 6 miles

Actual: 

Sunday- Santa to the Sea half marathon

Monday- 2.04 mile walk, 2.04 mile walk, 3.01 mile walk, 30 minutes bike

Tuesday- 1.35 mile walk, 2.57 mile walk, 30 Day Shred Level 1

Wednesday- 2.04 mile walk, 2.41 mile run, 35 minutes bike

Thursday- 2.04 mile walk, 2.04 mile walk, 30 Day Shred Level 1

Friday- 2.04 mile walk, 2.19 mile walk, 1.12 mile walk

Saturday- 3.17 mile walk, 3.02 mile run

I had to push my stationary bike cross training from Friday to Saturday as our Friday night plans went a lot longer than I had anticipated, but I stayed flexible and still completed it. Everything else was completed as scheduled. Progress!

What's even better is that I'm feeling better, stronger, happier. Endorphins!!

I had planned to walk the 6 miles on Saturday all at once, but I got an email from my sister asking about a race in April. She retired from running after the Mammoth half marathon, and I have really missed running with her, so I jumped at the opportunity to run the Hollywood Half with her again on April 11th. Her training started Saturday with a 3 mile run, so I decided to split my 6 mile walk up into a 3 mile walk and a 3 mile run. 

Camper and I got up early Saturday morning and walked around the block, adding a little less than a mile of running intervals towards the end. Then I headed to my sisters house where we ran together. My niece even came along with us! 

Today was a 10 mile solo run. It's been awhile since I've pushed myself on speed, and this was not the weekend to attempt my normal push pace of 12:30 miles. Not with another race next weekend, and one with a shorter time limit. And especially not with Dopey being less than 3 weeks away. (Eek!)

So I decided to set a goal to stay between 13:30-14 minute miles, but secretly I wanted to be closer to 13 minute miles overall. My other goal-ish was to have every even mile be faster than the odd mile before it, which I successfully did. 

Mile 1- 13:34

Mile 2- 13:29

Mile 3- 13:16

Mile 4- 12:48

Mile 5- 13:03

Mile 6- 13:01

Mile 7- 13:12

Mile 8- 13:06

Mile 9- 13:01

Mile 10- 12:34

Total distance- 10.08

Total time- 2:12:17

Avg pace- 13:07

I'm so excited for next weekend to run race #14 of the year. I am anticipating tears. It's not often I set a goal for myself, reach it and celebrate it. Usually, if I reach the goal, I end up thinking about how others have already done it and done it better. I think about the next goal. I think about everything but the fact that I completed it and should be proud. 

This time I'm already proud and I haven't even started the race yet.. 

I'm proud of my running past and am thinking about a remodel of my garage/gym. After it was turned into Santa's workshop a couple months ago I haven't been using it as a gym other than the bike a couple times. Now it's time to turn it back into a workout space that shows off my accomplishments over the past (almost) 5 years. I want to print pictures and find a better way to hang my bibs and medals. 

This next week is going to be crazy with the holiday celebrations starting on Tuesday, but I'm going to try to get in as much as I possibly can from what's scheduled. Even if it means early mornings and/or late nights. 

Tracy's Dose of Dopey

Well, it may not be exactly as I imagined it, but I've put in the work and I consider myself to be as trained as I can be and ready to go to complete the distance. Just over one week until day one of races! 

Seeing that written out scares me a little. It makes me doubt my training and my physical and mental capabilities. It's going to be tough, I never doubted that.. But at the same time I've been looking forward to this challenge for a long time. 

It does make me a little sad to not be doing the actual races with the actual finishers medals at the end, but I am going to be doing the distance which is why I decided to buy myself the above sticker for my car. 

I'm really proud of myself for setting a pretty huge goal and sticking to it. Even when things got difficult, even when I felt like giving up and quitting because it didn't feel "real", I stuck with it. The early mornings, the long training runs, the sore muscles, the achey hip, the tired feet.. I made it through to the end and here I am, just over one week away. 

I've planned out my courses on mapmyrun and I'm pretty happy/comfortable about where I will be running. There's going to be some parts of the courses that I will see all four days, but it's going to be great. I've trained using parts of these courses and I think the familiarity will help come race day. 

5K

10K

Half

Full

Maybe one day I'll be able to go to Disney World and run all four races. Until then I can be proud to know that I did the distance. That I stuck to something difficult. That I accomplished an amazing thing. 

And, that's what this was all about the whole time. Sticking to a goal that pushed me to work harder than I ever have and the reward is going to be better than 6 medals. 

Plus, I have more than medals. So much more.. I have the amazing support of family and friends, some that are going to be out running with me Sunday for portions of my run, some who have helped along the way with watching Isabel or bringing me water so I can go for a long training run, some who have supported me by believing that I can do it, some who have provided very meaningful memorabilia for me to treasure forever.. 

I received the above ears for Christmas from my coworker. Her daughter made them for me and I cried when I opened them. The thought behind them and the meaning they carry is worth so much to me. I cannot express my gratitude for the gift enough and I am truly a very lucky person to be surrounded by such amazing people. Between my family, my friends and my coworkers, I have a support system that is worth all of the medals in the world. I'm not running Dopey for medals, or the idea of the medals I would have had. I'm running it for me and for my loved ones. 

Here's to 48.6 miles of gratitude and appreciation. I will have many hours out there to think about the positive people and things in my life. 

*update: just found out Patrick will be closing the first day of my challenge. I have updated my 5K course to run near my parents house. It will be hilly, but I have completed this course many times and feel comfortable with it. 

Main goal is to finish. No time goals, no pace goals. Just finish. 

2015 Goals

I made a lot of goals at New Year's last year and I completed very few of them. It took me awhile to accept the fact that 1. I over did it with the whole resolution idea and 2. That it was okay to not reach them. 

It took me too long to realize that if a goal is not reached it does not equate to me being a failure. A goal just needs to be reevaluated if it's not reached. Reevaluated to see why it wasn't reached and to see if a plan can be made  in order to reach the goal. 

I set goals last year based off of my bucket list in an attempt to cross a few things off of the list. Like I mentioned, I didn't quite accomplish as much as I would have liked.. 

2014 Goals:

1. Write in a journal every day for a year- I think I made it a month or two before forgetting for a couple days in a row. I started writing again this past Monday and am trying to do it daily. We'll see how it goes..

2. Take one picture a day for a year/take more pictures in general- this lasted a little longer, but I didn't make it the full year. I made it to April and really enjoyed it, but found myself forgetting and taking a random picture at the end of the day to keep with the goal. When I attempt this goal again I plan on only using my digital camera (no phone pictures) and I would like to get a photo album to store the pictures. 

3. Run and/or walk 1250 miles in a year- completed!! In fact, I reached this goal on December 1st and decided to push it a little further to 1400 miles in 2014. I like distance goals and was excited to reach milestones this year, including my first year surpassing 1000 miles in a year. I ended the year with 1402.67 miles. 

4. Complete Santa to Santa (13 half marathons in 13 months)- check-ish? The original goal was to run 13 half marathons between December 2013 (Santa to the Sea) to December 2014 (Santa to the Sea). I did 14 in that time period, but early on decided to just make it 14 half marathons in 2014, which was completed. 

5. Run at least 1 mile (intervals) every day for a year (which will also complete my mini goals of 100 days and 250 days while on my way to my main goal of 500 days)- I made it to 230 something days in a row before the pain in my left hip became too much to not see a doctor. Doctors orders required me to end the streak in order to continue running races. Bursitis was the diagnosis and although it still flairs up, it's not as bad since I don't run daily. 

6. Continue to track calories using MFP to reach my goal of 365 days in a row- this was an on again/off again goal. Between trying to lose weight and not caring, I did not maintain a decent streak until recently. Day 71 and going strong!

7. Read 24 books in a year (including the one I am currently reading that I started in December)- hmmm.. Not sure what I ended at, maybe 5? 6? I did not spend as much time reading as I would have liked, however a lot of exciting and time consuming things happened this year. I do plan on picking up the reading next year though.

8. Make 5 or more monthly goals and do them- it got to be too much. I felt overwhelmed with trying to keep up with all of the goals I was setting for myself. On top of that, the pressure I put on myself for not completing a goal was ridiculous.. 

9. Pay off debt and build savings- I'm pretty sure we have more debt and less in savings, however we have a house to show for it. An adorable perfect house. This will go back on the goal list for next year, however with the recent (within the last couple months) update to our budget we have a payment plan set up to hopefully get out of debt by June 2016. 

10. Set aside time to spend with Isabel- this did not happen as much as I would have liked. I'm pretty sure a better plan should be put into place for next year to have mother/daughter dates. I plan on taking her to the library every (or every other) Saturday, but I would like to make a container with date ideas that are inexpensive that she can pick from once a month. 

11. Make the effort to have more date nights with my husband- I knew this one wouldn't happen as much as I would have liked.. On the scale of priorities, our marriage is pretty low. Our children, work, the animals, the house, etc.. It all comes first, unfortunately. Add on top of that the guilt of spending money on ourselves and the guilt of spending any more time than I already do away from Isabel... I think we need to make our marriage more of a priority, even though we're the happiest we've been in years. 

12. Sign up for the Dopey Challenge without feeling guilty about the money- did not happen. I felt too guilty spending that much money on a race plus traveling expenses. It just wasn't worth going into more debt for me. Instead, I'll be doing Tracy's Dose of Dopey the same weekend in California and I'll be proud of myself the same way I would be crossing the finish line in Florida. After all, it's about pushing my limits and doing the distances, not the medals (although that was a huge reason I wanted to do it). 

13. Work on accomplishing tasks from my Day Zero list- the Day Zero list was basically my bucket list. Not much was accomplished on it this past year other than accomplishing the following: run and/or walk 1250 miles in a year, buy a house, see Ingrid Michaelson in concert (twice!), finish 12 or more half or full marathons in a year, run a half marathon in another state, complete the Rock N Roll Las Vegas half, do a bound out photo shoot, no fast food for a month, pay for someone's food behind me at the drive thru, send Christmas cards to family and friends.  

14. Reach a healthy weight and BMI- didn't make it this year, but I'm working on it and I will get there (and stay there) eventually!

15. Complete Jillian Michael's Body Revolution- I attempted it once and made it through the second week. It is currently scheduled to be accomplished between July and October 2015, which is why I have no races scheduled during that time. 

16. Bake more and try new recipes- I baked cupcakes a couple times. I experimented more with cupcake decorating than baking, which was fun. Hoping to do more next year because I enjoy it so much.. 

This year I wanted to make less goals (an even 10) and make them more obtainable for me while still needing to push. I'd still like to work towards crossing items off of my bucket list and plan on printing out my list so I can see it more often. There are quite a few things I could easily cross off... This coming year is more fitness and health related though. As an attempt to keep myself motivated to keep with my training schedule I'm focusing on trying to achieve certain things in 2015. 

2015 Goals: 

1. Run and/or walk 1702 miles- this is the distance from where I live to Missouri where my grandfather is buried. My mom has never seen his headstone in person, so my plan is to pay myself $1 for every 1 mile. I'd like to get all miles done in one year, but am flexible to have it last longer. Once reached, I'm going on a road trip with my mom to Missouri. 

2. Bike 5000 minutes on the stationary bike- I had originally set a goal to bike a total of 1800 miles in a year. I recently bought a recumbent stationary bike and unfortunately didn't realize that it didn't track time or distance. It's an issue with the bike itself and although it should track these things, it doesn't.. In fact, it only runs for 4 minutes and 16 seconds before it resets itself. It's fine because I get a good workout in and until I can afford another bike I'm making it work by just pressing start, but it's difficult to track anything other than time spent on the bike and even then I use the stop watch on my phone. So I adjusted my goal from miles to minutes. Easy enough! 

3. Half Marathon PR- current PR is 2:33:53

4. Full Marathon PR- current PR is 5:52:58 

5. Complete Tracy's Dose of Dopey- scheduled for January 8-11th and courses have been tracked out. 

6. Complete Body Revolution- scheduled to start in June. This is a 90 day program that I am looking forward to. I'm attempting to talk Patrick into working out with me a couple days a week when I start, mostly to keep me motivated and accountable. 

7. Work on getting out of credit card debt- budget has been updated and is visited every payday for revisions. We are also more on a cash budget for certain areas and have a set amount to go specifically towards debt. Now to stop using the credit cards... Patrick and I have also discussed using any additional money we receive (for example our tax return) towards debt. 

8. Volunteer at a nearby race- the plan is to volunteer at the nearby race in August. I really like this race director and tried to volunteer for one of their races last October, but the race ended up being cancelled. This year I will volunteer and it will be an amazing experience. 

9. Read at least 24 books- I really want to do this. I just need to set aside some time to sit down and read. It's not that difficult, especially if I leave a book on my nightstand and take it with me. Less phone time, more book time.

10. Reach a healthy weight and BMI, have less body fat- as always this goal ends up on the list.. I've been there before and I know I can get there again. I just have to step out of my own way. It's doable. I'll be happy with simply weighing less on December 31st than I do on January first. 

I hope everyone had a safe and Happy New Year! I didn't quite make it to midnight, but did get woken up just before by our neighbors setting off fireworks. Just in time to wish Patrick a happy new year before rolling over and falling back to sleep. 

I'm very grateful to have the day off of work today and plan on taking advantage of it by getting in a good workout and getting some cleaning/organizing done. I want to start the year off organized and keep it that way. It can be done, I just have to commit to it.. 

Half Fanatics

It's official! I've qualified to be a Half Fanatic and have a membership now and will soon be proudly wearing this:

I wasn't sure if I wanted to sign up or not when I made the plan to run this many half marathons in a year, but I figured I'm proud of what I accomplished this year and I should flaunt it. 

The criteria is based on streaks you have completed, ranging from Neptune (2 half marathons within a 16 day time frame or 3 half marathons within a 90 day time frame) to the Sun (52 half marathons or more within 365 days, 30 half marathons in 30 US states, countries, or Canadian provinces (any combination) within 365 days or 20 countries within 365 days.

I qualified for Saturn- 4 half marathons within 37 days, 12-18 half marathons withing 365 days, 4 half marathons in 4 different US states, countries or Canadian provinces (any combination) in 51 days. 

I am beyond ecstatic that I can proudly call myself a fanatic. It seems more real now, which doesn't really make any sense. I've considered myself to be a runner for a while now. I guess now that I have over 20 half marathons completed and many more scheduled makes it different... It shouldn't, but it does. 

I'm very excited to be able to wear my new shirt once it arrives, and I'll be even more excited when I can wear it to a race. I'm wearing that shirt with pride. I've earned it!! 

*Workout update: 

Wednesday scheduled- walk, bike, run

Wednesday actual- 2.04 mile walk, 2.41 mile run, 35 minute stationary bike

Thursday scheduled- walk, strength

Thursday actual- 2.04 mile walk, 2.04 mile walk, 30 Day Shred Level 1

Thursday made 5 days in a row! Consistency!! I also made a decision to not shoot for a perfect month at all next year. Instead, I'm highlighting the workouts I complete in pink and the workouts I skip in blue. The goal is to have more pink than blue. Simple enough. As my friend said, I'm working towards progress, not perfection. 

2015 Race Schedule

2014 was supposed to be my "big" year of races. I was going to run 14 half marathons in 2014 and then slow down in 2015.

Unfortunately it just sparked my love for running even more and I do not plan on slowing down. In fact, I'm doing the opposite..

I don't have a goal to complete a certain number of races this year, in fact I'm only signed up for a total of 8 races (not including Tracy's Dose of Dopey in January). The reason I consider this year to be bigger than last year is because of those 8 races, 3 of them are marathons (again, not including Dopey).

I told Patrick that I'm thinking of slowing down in 2016, but that he can't hold that statement against me. In all honesty, I want to keep running and racing as long as I can and I don't want to look back and think of the races I wished I had done. So as long as I am physically (and financially) able to I want to keep participating.. 

But even if I slow down on racing I don't plan on slowing down on running. The goals will just be different. Focused on streaking or speed or distance still, but no bib, shirt or medal at the end. 

I may even push myself to run a 5K or 10K on my own every weekend while tracking my progress with speed and pace. But until then, I'm going to enjoy the races I am signed up for and continue to dream about the races I may never get to run due to financial limitations. Traveling is not an option right now, so many races on my bucket list are out..

But it doesn't mean I won't enjoy every minute of the ones I am racing this year! 

2015

January

8th: Tracy's Dose of Dopey 5K

9th: Tracy's Dose of Dopey 10K 

10th: Tracy's Dose of Dopey Half

11th: Tracy's Dose of Dopey Full

March

15th: LA Marathon

28th: Chesebro Half

April

11th: Hollywood Half

26th: Ojai Half

May

24th: Mountains 2 Beach Marathon

June

21st: Mammoth Half

November 

7th: Santa Barbara Veterans Day Marathon

December

13th: Santa to the Sea

It's going to be another great year of races and more memorabilia to add to my garage/gym. I've been working on getting it put together and I love how it's coming along! Can't wait to share it!!

Weigh In

After 57 days of tracking on myfitnesspal I am at a total weight loss of -2.4.

I gained again this week. Only 0.4, but after 3 or 4 gains in a row...

I'm struggling, or at least I have been for about two weeks. I'm finding it difficult to want to track my entire day. I'm finding it difficult to want to track honestly.

But, in the end I'm only hurting myself. I'm not doing this for anyone else, so there really is no point in being sneaky or lazy about it.

What it comes down to is how much do I really want this. 

The answer? I'm not entirely sure...

It yet again comes down to what I would rather have- a smaller number on the scale or a healthier more fit body. I would much rather work out than be obsessed with every calorie I put into my body, yet I know that the types of calories I eat will affect my workouts. I need to find a way to balance the two. 

My mind plays games on me. It tells me that I'm going to gain because of strength training, or because of a long distance run which resulted in thousands of calories being burned which resulted in a higher calorie intake day, or because of a variety of other logical factors. My mind turns those logical factors and tells myself the week is already "ruined" and I will already see a gain so I may as well eat that candy or pizza or Taco Bell... 

Self sabotage. 

It doesn't really make sense though. A gain from strength training does not mean the same as a gain from over eating. But I guess my mind is still affected by the scale and a gain is a gain no matter the reason. 

Thankfully my reaction to a gain is a lot different now than it has been in the past. I'm able to accept it immediately and move on. My initial reaction is to vow to make this week better than the last, but for the past few weeks that's only lasted a day or two before the next temptation crosses my path. 

I've been finding myself eating out of boredom, stress and convenience. Especially at work. The break room is filled with chocolates and other yummy treats being sent to the office. Normally when I'm stressed at work I can't "fix" it by eating (which never works anyway) because I only bring to work what I plan on eating that day. This time of year though I can simply walk down the hall and take a handful of treats and scarf them down without a second thought or without really even tasting them. 

My goal is to make it the rest of the year without taking any more treats from work.  I've had more than enough and there are so many other treats left to enjoy that are so worth it compared to generic candies I can have anytime. 

I may have spent most of the past two weeks only tracking breakfast and lunch, but the past two days I have been honest and have tracked everything. May not have been pretty (like going over almost 500 calories the day before weigh in) but withholding the truth in my tracker does no good for anyone. It doesn't mean the calories weren't consumed.

I'm not starting over, just continuing. I have a bad habit of calling quits and starting over when things get bad or don't look "pretty". For example, my tracker is only half full for the past couple of weeks. In the past I would have declined the account and started with a brand new name and everything. This time I'm just looking at today's menu and tracking everything. Then I'm going to focus on tomorrow. Then the next day. And so on. 

So what if my journey has an uphill battle so early on. It's not like that's never happened before. It's not a fail, it's a learning experience and I truly believe I'm learning a lot about myself this time. I'm learning a lot about the things I enjoy vs the things I have to do to see success (aka not eating fast food!) and I'm learning a lot about acceptance. Acceptance of the past and the things I cannot change as well as acceptance of who I am now. 

I'm not going to miraculously love my body if/when I get down to a magic number I have set in my head (163.8, an even 20 pound loss). Been there, done that. Had that body and got to 145 and still didn't appreciate all I had going on. I need to appreciate and love the body I have at 181.4 in order to love the body I will have at goal. A weight in the healthy range and a healthy BMI does not equal automatic acceptance. Enjoying the journey and celebrating the successes and struggles along the way helps create a lasting love for yourself and who you are. Because who I am means so much more than 181.4. In fact it has nothing to do with 181.4

And it will have nothing to do with 163.8 either. I'll just be a healthier and more physically fit person, but it won't change who I am.

Having Motivation vs Keeping Motivation

I think I figured out why I keep starting over. It's simple really.. You see, the motivation I start with fades and I don't have what I need to keep it going- determination. 

When the momentum and motivation end it's important to work off of your determination to keep things going. But for some reason I keep searching for the motivation instead of working off of determination. I'm also realizing that I want these things to happen, but that's where it ends. I have yet to do what I need to in order to see the results.

Some days are going to be difficult. Some days I'm going to have zero desire to go for a walk or a run or to ride the stationary bike or to do a strength DVD. I think those may be the days I need to do it the most. And that's what I need to remember.

I think I also need to remember that my desire to get to that finish line isn't as strong as my desire to stop starting over. That may be the most frustrating thing for me. Especially when I look back to where I was and then look to where I am now. Or even when I think about where I could be if I had kept going.

But as I keep saying I can't think about the would've could've should've I have to think about where I am now where I'm starting now. And I have to be proud of the fact that I am starting again and not getting up. 

That may be one of my biggest faults. Not giving myself enough credit for the things that I do. I'm too busy focusing on the things that I don't do or didn't finish and not looking at the things that I did do and did finish. Somehow the things I didn't do take priority and hold stronger weight than the things that I have accomplished. Seems pretty silly, but it's something that I'm working on.

So I'm going to celebrate the successes, no matter how big or small they may seem. I'm going to be proud of the work outs I complete even if it means that I've postponed them to a different day. I'm going to continue to cycles I'm going to continue to work towards them and I'm going to continue to accomplish them one by one.

I feel determined to accomplish them one by one.

If you years ago has successfully completed my first full marathon with my sister. Afterwords we went to dinner with our families and my mom gave me a card that on the front side kick ass take names, both of the checkmark next to it. I'm ready to feel that way again. I'm ready to kick ass, and I am ready to take names.

Yesterday. I wanted to click running cross training and strength training on one calendar. Unfortunately/fortunately my races go all the way through December 2015. Being the planner that I am, whether it's working the past or not, I decided to plan out the rest of 2015. As long as I keep some level of flexibility and a lot of motivation and determination I know that I can accomplish more workouts then I don't. I know realistically that the occasional workout will be messed or skipped for various reasons, but as long as I keep those reasons realistic then there is no reason why I should feel guilty or bad about it.

I'll be honest, I do like the fact that it is all planned out and scheduled. But, I'm not gonna lie. It is a little overwhelming to look at a month at a time and even a week at a time. So my plan for now is to go day by day. I'm going to try to only focus on today's workout today. I'm not going to look back at to what I did or didn't do yesterday, and I'm not going to look at what I have to do tomorrow.

Except, I am going to look back at yesterday so that I can tell you on day one I completed a 2.04 mile walk at work on my first break, a 2.04 walk on my lunch break, a 3.01 walk at my parents house, and 30 minutes on the stationary bike. Monday's crosstraining = complete.

Today's schedule called for a walk and strength training. I got in a 1.35 mile walk at work on my break. I got home and did my strength DVD, Jillian Michaels 30 day shred level one. Then I went for another walk. 2.57 miles. Got to get to 1400 somehow.

I'm feeling good, and I'm just going to keep this going one day at a time until the momentum fades and I have to find something else to get it back. But maybe it won't fade. Maybe it will just keep going. Maybe my stubborn nature will take over and I will be too determined to see each workout accomplished. For now the goal is to have more pink highlights than blue. Pink meaning I've accomplished and blue meaning I skipped it. 

Maybe one month I'll have an entire shade of pink highlights.

I'm just happy and ready to celebrate the fact that I'm on day two and have accomplished both days exactly as scheduled. Who knows what tomorrow will bring.. 

Santa to the Sea Race Recap

Santa to the sea holds a special place in my heart and always will. It was my first half marathon four years ago. And it will be one that I plan on running every year until I can't run anymore.

My original goal last year was to run "Santa to Santa" or 13 half marathons in 13 months starting with Santa to the sea in 2013 and ending with Santa to the sea in 2014. The addiction grew though and I ended up signing up for a total of 14 half marathons in 2014.

Santa was number 13 on the list, leaving one more for this year. 

The morning started early, and quite cold. It seems as though winter has finally found its way to Southern California. I guess maybe I shouldn't say cold because I really don't know what cold is having always lived in California my whole 

life but it was cold for this California girl.

We made our way onto the bus and were shuttle to the start line where we dropped off our donation for toys for tots and took a picture with Santa Claus.

I was social for maybe the third time in my entire life and introduced myself to a friend I had met online through #megsmiles. A tragic event has led to a community coming together, most never having met the person who passed away and most knowing each other only through social media. It is quite possible that the running community is what makes me feel almost like a runner. It's a feeling I have never known before.

I ran this race with my friend Lorien, her second half marathon in two months. Well, her second half marathon overall. Her first half last month was a great introduction to the racing environment. We finish that race in three hours five minutes and some odd seconds. So our goal for this race was to try to beat that. But really our goal was to just finish like my goal is for every other race.

We stayed pretty consistent strong until about mile nine when it just got too hard. We adjusted our intervals and then decided to walk from mile 10 to 13 because there's really no point in pushing it when you feel like you can't go any further. 

I had just completed my 23 mile training run the weekend before and it was Lorien's second race and the elements were completely different than the first. Again, adjusting to your surroundings to the day to the race is what matters most,  not pushing it when you shouldn't be.

We finished in three hours and 11 minutes flat, pretty impressive to me considering we walked a lot more than we had last month at the race in Vegas. 

I do want to say how proud I am of my friend. She set a goal for herself and accomplished that. She trained and races two beautiful races. I know that running may not be her thing, the way that it is mine, but I'm glad to have found a running partner for the time being.

And now it is time to focus on the last remaining race of 2014, the San Diego holiday half marathon. I am a little nervous about this race. It has a shorter time limit that I'm used to. I know that I'll be able to reach that time limit, but it does make me worry in case something happens. The original training schedule called for a 23 mile training run the weekend before this race coming up. But I changed it to the weekend before Santa because I had a longer time limit at Santa so I could go slower. I cannot explain the level of anxiety that went away when I change the training schedule. However, I didn't leave myself much time between race day and the end of the year in case something happens, but I'm not focusing on that. I'm focusing on the fact that I am going to reach my goal this year. And that makes me start thinking about the goals I want to set for next year.

I'm done wishing I had the motivation to keep going when it comes to running, strength training, crosstraining and eating well. I'm not going to get anywhere by wishing I was there, I'm only going to get there by doing the hard work. Which means I need to track accurately and for the whole day. I need to wake up early and get in my strength training workout. I need to not just bring my shoes to work but I actually have to go for the walk. And I need to run what I have planned. I've been pretty good about my running training schedule. More so than I've ever been. But, I can tell that after the 23 mile run last week I felt burnt out and I didn't want to go for a walk that week, so I didn't.

I can't let that continue to happen. Next year is going to be full of long mile training runs and getting burnt out isn't an option. I scheduled a lot of full marathons and half marathons for a reason. Getting burnt out isn't really an option when you have another race to train for.

To be honest, I wish I could bottle up this motivation I feel right now. I know that it's not going to last the whole year even though the whole year is already scheduled. But, I have to remind myself that I'm done starting over. I'm done feeling this way. I'm ready to see the results and put in the hard work to get there.

Meaning, I have to go on a walk after I get off of work to add up those miles. Even though I also plan on riding the stationary bike for at least 30 minutes tonight. Even though I also plan on waking up early tomorrow for strength training. Even though I'll have to go on at least one but most likely two walks tomorrow at work and hopefully can fit in a walk after work tomorrow as well.

These miles are going to walk themselves. And although my goal was to walk and or run 1250 miles for the year I've already surpassed that and have extended it to 1400 miles. I know I can reach that goal. I will reach that goal. No matter what it takes.

And the best thing about these walks? Is that I get to reflect back on this past year and all that I have accomplished, and look forward to next year and all that I will be able to do.

Wrong Direction

Well, gaining 1.4 pounds this week was not the plan.. And if I'm being honest it's not where I was on Sunday when I peeked at the scale. In fact Sunday showed 177.8. Meaning I'm allowing myself to fall back into certain old habits.

The good news is that I'm not spiraling out of control with emotions over seeing a gain this week. In fact, after I stepped off the scale and put it away I looked in the mirror and told myself it was time to get back to being motivated and to get back to tracking. 

I can sit here and justify the gain. I ran 23 miles and burned over 2000 calories on Sunday after a 10 mile walk and over 1000 calorie burn on Saturday. Did I eat enough? Did I eat too much? Although I skipped two strength workouts (with good reason) I did strength train. Is my body building muscle already? Am I setting myself up to fail by trying to lose weight while being up in these higher miles? 

Truth is, the gain happened because I only tracked breakfast and lunch 6 of the past 7 days. Truth is, I gained because I couldn't resist the chocolates in the break room yesterday. Truth is, I gained because I've been eating beyond comfort. 

Truth is.. I'm not upset about it.

I'm not jumping for joy, but I'm not eating my feelings. Progress!! I'm fitting into my clothes, getting rid of old ones that don't fit anymore, treating myself to new ones that make me feel good and overall just happy with where I am. 

I'm not sure what this week will bring. I'm not sure when I will fit in strength training, I'm not sure why my hip still hurts from Sunday's run. I'm not sure how this coming Sunday's race will go. 

I am sure that I'm going to track as accurately as I can. I am sure that I can stay off of the scale this week. I am sure that I am doing something for my body am mind that I never have before. It's usually one or the other, but this time I'm working on both and seeing improvements, which is the best part of it all. 

Plus, worrying less about what I weigh has given me so much more time to do other things, like spend quality time with my family and work on crafting and reading. Important things.. Well, more important than stressing about weight at least.