2015 Goals- Update January

2015 Goals: 

1. Run and/or walk 1702 miles- as of 1/31/15 I am at a total of 142.19 miles, which is 8.3% of my goal.

2. Bike 5000 minutes on the stationary bike- as of 1/31/15 I am at a total of 435 miles, which is 8.7% of my goal.

3. Half Marathon PR- I have not completed a half marathon race this year other than Dopey and I did not PR, however I am only using actual races towards this goal.

4. Full Marathon PR- I have not completed a full marathon race this year other than Dopey and I did PR by exactly 2 minutes, however I am only using actual races towards this goal.

5. Complete Tracy's Dose of Dopey- Done!!!

6. Complete Body Revolution- still scheduled to begin July 6th. I am enjoying my strength training two days a week for now and believe it will help me feel strong when I start the 90 day program.

7. Work on getting out of credit card debt- a few hiccups and a few changes to the budget, but we're still working towards getting out of debt and making progress in the right direction.

8. Volunteer at a nearby race- my request to volunteer in August has been emailed! I am hoping to volunteer at a water station. 

9. Read at least 24 books- as of 1/31/15 I have completed 3 books and am 12% towards my goal. 

10. Reach a healthy weight and BMI, have less body fat- this has been fluctuating on a weekly basis. At some point I may need to reevaluate the first part of the goal and make it similar to the second part, to simply be less than when the year started.

Weigh In

Starting weight: 183.8

Goal weight: 163.8

Last weeks weight: 184.0

Current weight: 184.6

Current +/-: +0.6

Total +/-: +0.8

BMI: 27.2

 

I would be lying if I claimed I made it the full two weeks with tracking perfectly, working out and staying off the scale. In fact, I didn't do so well in any of those areas. But I am making progress and that's what I'm choosing to focus on.

I have lost a lot of motivation when it comes to running. I had hoped that a pretty busy race schedule for 2015 would prevent the post race burn out after Dopey, but even though I was ready to keep going after the 48.6 miles, that endorphin glow quickly wore off and I had very little desire to do much of anything fitness related. Part of the reason I haven't been blogging recently..

The only thing keeping me going during the past two and a half weeks has been my goals that are fitness related. 1702 miles and 5000 minutes on the bike aren't going to run/walk or pedal themselves..

The past few days I've been way too hard on myself, thinking how I'm failing at my goals if I don't reach my monthly goals towards my yearly goals. I've been so focused on the negatives that I'm not giving myself that opportunity to take a step back and realize there are still 11 months left in the year. Plenty of time to do what needs to be done! 

I've been enjoying my two days of strength training and although the results aren't as intense or as quick as when I did 30 Day Shred 30 days in a row, it's manageable and I do feel stronger. The physical appearance changes will happen when they happen, for now I'm just happy to make it through a workout feeling a little stronger than I did the workout before. 

As of right now I am at a total of 133.48 miles out of my monthly goal of 141.83, and I've biked 275 minutes out of my monthly goal of 416.67 minutes. Meaning I will need to run and/or walk 2.09 miles and bike 35.41 minutes every day for the rest of the month, including today. I can do that, and if I don't it's not a crazy amount to try to make up.

Although my focus tends to lean towards fitness I do need to spend more time looking into what I'm eating. I don't want to restrict myself, however I haven't finished a day under 2,000 calories since January 15th, and I'm not even sure if I tracked honestly that day.. 

Most days I am burning calories and finishing under my daily goal, but I still think 2000 calories more often than not is not helping any weight loss, even if it is helping fuel my workouts. This is where I struggle the most, finding that balance.

But I'll get there. I'm going to keep tracking honestly and still forcing myself to get a workout in. Eventually the motivation will come back and it will be second nature again. Until then, I'm back to faking it until I make it. 

For some reason Marley loves to sit on the scale.. 

Starting the Streak Over

Not the running streak. I know that wouldn't end well because of my hip. Plus, I haven't gone out for a run since last Sunday.. 

No, this streak is related to myfitnesspal and the number of days I have logged on/tracked in a row. 

This is just one of the features I love about the website and it keeps me logging in every morning. But, sometimes that's all I do, just to keep the streak going. I have a really bad habit of tracking breakfast, lunch and snacks (especially during the week) and then going overboard at dinner and, feeling guilty, I choose to not track so that I don't see that negative number. 

I'm not going to get anywhere with that mentality. In fact, I know that tracking is the number one habit that I can do and that will help the most. It's simple enough to log on a computer or use my phone to track, and yet I let the fear of going over stop me. What's the point if I'm not going to be honest with myself? What's the point if I'm not going to give it my all? 

After 86 days of logging in I decided to end my streak yesterday by not tracking anything. I felt like the streak was a lie. I didn't want to celebrate each time my status automatically updated with how many days I had logged in in a row. So I started over with day one today.

My hope is to go into it with a fresh mindset and to do it right this time. To track accurately, even if I go over. To use my heart rate monitor when I workout to get an accurate calorie burn, no matter how many watches and contraptions I'm wearing (GPS watch, HRM strap and watch, interval timer, pedometer, etc). Choosing healthier options but not depriving myself when a craving hits, but using portion control. And measuring, because I know my 4 Tbsp of creamer I was using in the mornings was not really 4 Tbsp. 

My goal for now is to just get into the habit of tracking. Every single bite. Then, after I weigh in in 10 days I will choose something else to work on. Something small and easy enough to add on top of tracking. Each weigh in I will add something new because I think 2 weeks will be a good amount of time to work on something new. 

I know I can do this. I just have to get out of my own way. 

Weigh In

Starting weight: 183.8

Goal weight: 163.8

Last weeks weight: 182.0

Current weight: 184.4

Current +/-: +2.4

Total +/-: +0.6

BMI: 27.2

I almost didn't post this today. I almost pretended as if it didn't happen and I was going to log in next week and claim I started weighing in every other week. 

I felt ashamed. I felt embarrassed. I felt like a failure. 

Until I remembered taking "before" pictures a few weeks ago so that I had something to look back on to compare and realized that I love my body.

Until I realized that I set a huge goal for myself and accomplished it this past weekend.

Until I realized that I have not been doing everything I can to see progress on the scale so I should not expect progress on the scale. 

Those are the important things..

I'm not going to hide what the scale said today, but I am going to back off from the scale and start weighing in every other week. I'm going to see what that does for me mentally. 

The rest is up to me. I can control certain things. I can start making the time to get in my scheduled workouts. I can track. I can make a plan and stick to it. 

My main thing right now, and the easiest thing I can do is track. There are no excuses when it comes to that. That's my goal for the next two weeks, to track everything and to stay off of the scale. The rest will fall into place as it may. 

Dopey Challenge Completed!!!

I haven't been able to find the words to explain how I'm feeling.. Four days, 48.6 miles later and I have very few words. I'm feeling excited, happy, sore, overwhelmed and most importantly I'm feeling grateful.

 

I would not have been able to do any of this, the training runs, the mental preparation, the early mornings, the distance if it wasn't for some very special people in my life. My passion for running, my training schedule, my races all affect more people than just myself. My husband, my daughter, my parents, my sister, my friends.. They are all a part of it all, from beginning to end. If I didn't have them to help with the physical and mental preparation for all of my goals then I probably wouldn't be able to do anything.

 

 

Races started on Thursday with the 5K. I ran the course near my parents house and ended up running faster than I had any intentions to. I knew that if I wanted to finish the weekend strong then I would need to keep a slow and steady pace, but I felt good when I got out there and I just went with that feeling. The first mile was uphill and I felt strong. The last time I ran this same course (Tuesday) I didn't feel so confident about what I would be able to do on Thursday for race day, so I was pleasantly surprised with how things went.
 

Thursday January 8th- 5K- Pluto

 

Mile 1- 12:28

Mile 2- 12:31

Mile 3- 11:33

Total distance- 3.26

Total time- 39:44.90

Avg pace- 12:11

I waited until Friday night to run the 10K since I was at work in the morning. It got dark a lot earlier than I had anticipated, but there was plenty of time to finish and to finish strong. I slowed down a little from the 5K, but was still faster than I had planned.
 

Friday January 9th- 10K- Minnie

 

Mile 1- 13:05

Mile 2- 13:04

Mile 3- 12:39

Mile 4- 12:46

Mile 5- 12:15

Mile 6- 12:18

Total distance- 6.30

Total time- 1:19:52

Avg pace- 12:40

I woke up early and ran in the morning for the half marathon. I was really glad that I didn't wait any longer than I did because I wanted to be done early enough to get some things done and have some time to rest my body before the big day. It started to sprinkle around mile 6.5 and then really started to come down around 8.5. I love to run in the rain, but it did put some doubt in my head about Sunday's full marathon because the main part of the storm was supposed to come on Sunday. I also started to get into my head about how it would be to finish. I kept thinking that maybe the build up was bigger than the finish would be and that I would finish and feel nothing. Thankfully I had Patrick to talk to about these doubts.
 

Saturday January 10th- Half- Donald

Mile 1- 13:14

Mile 2- 13:06

Mile 3- 12:50

Mile 4- 12:58

Mile 5- 12:54

Mile 6- 12:40

Mile 7- 12:06

Mile 8- 12:50

Mile 9- 12:55

Mile 10- 13:07

Mile 11- 12:55

Mile 12- 12:56

Mile 13- 13:01

Total distance- 13.34

Total time- 2:52:13

Avg pace- 12:55

I woke up a few times throughout the night for various reasons. If the dog wasn't waking me up to go outside then I was awoken from the sound of the rain. If it wasn't the rain then it was a dream that I had overslept and had to start the marathon too late in the day.. Needless to say I was ready to get up and get going as soon as my alarm went off, no matter how early, dark and wet it was outside. I started running around 6:15am and it was dark and raining. I had a feeling I would be running the whole thing in the rain, but thankfully it stopped around mile 4.

There are a lot of thoughts that go through my head when I'm running, but even more so when I'm running such long distances. I cannot begin to try to figure out what I think about.. What I do know is that I hit my wall really early, like around mile 3. Weird.. I usually hit my wall much later, but for whatever reason I started playing the numbers game with myself, including (but not limited to) pace and figuring out how many miles I had left. It worked out for the best though because I didn't hit another wall the rest of the run, and when I finished I felt as though I could keep going. What's more? I PR'd my marathon time by 2 minutes!!
 

Sunday January 11th- Full- Mickey, Goofy and Dopey

Mile 1- 14:07

Mile 2- 13:59

Mile 3- 13:49

Mile 4- 13:34

Mile 5- 13:47

Mile 6- ???

Mile 7- 13:16

Mile 8- 13:12

Mile 9- 13:17

Mile 10- 13:20

Mile 11- 13:11

Mile 12- 13:14

Mile 13- 13.28

Mile 14- 13:20

Mile 15- 13:05

Mile 16- 13:17

Mile 17- 13:55

Mile 18- 15:47

Mile 19- 14:14

Mile 20- 13:21

Mile 21- 12:54

Mile 22- 12:53

Mile 23- 13:14

Mile 24- 12:55

Mile 25- ???

Mile 26- 11:12

Total distance- 26.20

Total time- 5:50:58

Avg pace- 13:24

I cannot begin to explain how lucky I feel right now.. After each race my parents gave me a stuffed animal corresponding with the race. Those were my medals for each of the races.

 

 

When I finished the marathon on Sunday my husband surprised me with an actual medal. Something he had been planning for awhile and had made especially for me. He even had them put a 48.6 on the front of Dopey's shirt. His own bib.

 

I took Patrick, Isabel and my parents out to dinner to thank them for all of their support and wore my Dopey ears that my coworker gave me for Christmas, made by her daughter.

 

 

Then I was surprised at dinner with a special cake.. Although the waitress said Happy Birthday to me, so yeah. I'm pretty sure I don't look like I'm 48.6 years old..

 

And then.. as if all of the above wasn't enough, my mom gave me my Dopey gift. The below figurine with a special engraved plaque. I have been an emotional mess throughout this whole thing. From the ears to the stuffed animals at the end of each race to the Dopey keychain from my sister to the medal made special for me to the amazing support from friends near and far to the special finishers award.

 

I feel so incredibly lucky and grateful for all that I have and for all of those around me who care so much to make this experience even more important to me. I will never forget these 48.6 miles. I will never forget how much support I received for the crazy that I partake in. I mean, it only took Patrick 5 years to finally figure out how crazy I really am. And I take that as the highest of compliments.

What else is there to say?

Weigh In

Starting weight: 183.8

Goal weight: 163.8

Last weeks weight: 180.8

Current weight: 182.0

Current +/-: +1.2

Total +/-: -1.8

BMI: 26.9

I have no excuses for this. I lost my self control, plain and simple. I need to focus on tracking honestly and for the whole day. I need to focus on self control. I need to focus on portion control. 

I feel confident that I have the working out part down. I've been sticking to my workout plan pretty closely. It's just the part that matters most for weight loss that I can't figure out.. 

Well, that's not true.. I know what to do, I am just having a difficult time doing it and sticking to it. And I don't know why. 

I know what to do. I know how to make this livable. So why do I fight so hard to make it not happen? Why am I still standing in my own way? 

I need to figure it out, because this going up and down isn't doing me any good. I think part of the problem, a huge part, is that I'm happy with what I see in the mirror. Doesn't mean I should eat all the things, but maybe it means I need to just enjoy my body the way it is without trying to lose weight. I'm not that far away from the healthy weight range, so maybe I should put my focus into the part I enjoy more, the working out and toning.. 

Mentally Preparing for 48.6 Miles

I'm at the point in my training where I'm starting to doubt everything. I'm doubting whether I am physically ready for this. I'm doubting whether I'm mentally ready for this. And most of all I'm doubting whether or not it really counts.

They posted pictures of the race shirts on Facebook yesterday and it felt like someone punched me in the gut when I saw them. That nasty little voice in the back of my mind kept nagging to me that it doesn't mean as much because I'm not there actually running the race. It has nothing to do with the distance and me finishing on Sunday provides me no rights to bragging because I don't have the shirts or the medals to show off. 

I know that it's not the same, and I'm not trying to say that it is. I'm calling it Tracy's Dose of Dopey because it's not the Dopey Challenge, but the idea behind it did come from it. I'm obviously not in Florida preparing to run each race with thousands of other runners ready to prove something to themselves. But I am here ready to prove something to myself. 

If I had everything I wanted, I would be in Florida. I would be at the expo picking up my packets. Getting excited about what bib numbers I got, overwhelmed by the amount of people, excited for 5 new running shirts. 

But that's not life. Life has us make choices, and I chose that Dopey and Disney World and Florida just was not a smart move for me to make financially. And I don't know if it ever will be. Or by the time it is I may not be running the way my body can now. 

I'm still trying to tell myself that running 48.6 miles over four days is still going to be an amazing accomplishment, that I don't need the race environment to make it real. 48.6 miles is 48.6 miles no matter where I am.. 

Maybe if I keep saying it I will actually believe it..

I'm getting too far into my head to that negative place that tells me it's not good enough. I don't want to be there. I want to be excited about the next few days and all that I am getting ready to do to myself. It means something and it counts. To me and to my family and friends, the ones who support me and all my crazy running goals. 

So here goes nothing. 

Day one! 5K..