Weigh In #6

This week... What can I say?

Well, for starters, I am not proud of myself for this past week and everything that I did/did not do. I did not follow Weight Watcher's and am quite embarrassed by it. 

I'm looking deeper into the self-sabotage side of it right now and why I seem to get so excited about the possibilities that are ahead of me on a Tuesday night that all seem to fade come Wednesday morning. 

For some reason the idea of being successful scares me beyond words. Maybe it's because I've been successful before (multiple times) and keep restarting after gaining it all or more back. Maybe it's because I'm so afraid of failing  after a week of being on track. Maybe I have become too comfortable in the body I'm in that I am using it as an excuse to not keep going.

But I do want to lose the weight and I'm not happy with my body. So where is this block coming from?!?

Starting weight: 185.4

Current weight: ???

Weekly +/-: ???

Total +/-: ???

I did not go to weigh in for multiple reasons. They say that when you lose weight your meeting needs you and when you gain you need your meeting. I agree and in normal circumstances would go no matter what the scale says. This week it just did not fit and although it's not all based on the fact that I did not want to go, that is a large part of it and although I would rarely suggest it to others I just plain needed the week off.

I also did not do too well on my weekly goals this week. At all. Part of the whole self sabotage thing...

So I will set them again and continue to until I can do them all.

1. Track. Everything.
2. Drink more water.
3. Follow workout schedule as closely as possible.
4. Stay off the scale except for at weigh in Tuesday night.
5. Be kind to myself and write at least 5 positives about myself.
 

I am going to sit down this week and really think about why I want to lose weight. Maybe if I have a why and I write it down and can see it constantly then it will be worth it to track or say no to any temptation that is not planned or worth it.

Maybe a part of the problem is that I'm more focused on running and training than I am with eating better and portions. Maybe I need to remember that it's important to find a balance with both in order to see success with both.  

I don't know what I need at this point. A hug? A slap in the face? An accountability partner? Who knows! But at this point something has to change or I'm just going to be paying to watch my weight keep going up, and I don't think that's the point.

I guess now would be as good a time as ever to start tracking my measurements. Maybe there will be a difference in that at some point..

Bust: 40"
Waist: 34.5"
Hips: 44"
Left Thigh: 24.5"
Right Thigh: 24.25"
Left Arm: 12.5"
Right Arm: 13"

Here's to another week. Hopefully a better one than this past one. As long as I stay focused I know I can prove myself wrong and do this.