Happy Halloween!

I didn't decorate the house this year for Halloween because it just seemed to overwhelming to me. I figured since we would be the only ones to enjoy it that I didn't want to use the time, energy or money decorating the way I really wanted to. I am the self proclaimed Scrooge of Halloween this year..

But on the other hand I did use my time, energy and money on other Halloween related crafts. Including:

My costume- 80's all the way!!

Isabel's costume- I found the dress at Home Goods and added the Elsa flair using sequins and cape. 

Pumpkin carving- can we sense a theme? 

And cupcake making for our work potluck- 

This month flew by and I can't even believe that it's going to be November tomorrow and that Christmas is just around the corner.. I have not started shopping, meaning I'm about 4 months behind schedule. I hate having no idea what to get anyone and having under 2 months to figure it out.. 

But tonight my concern is not Christmas. It is Halloween and making sure Isabel has a safe and very happy night, and that I stay far away from the candy. Once I start I will not stop and I have no desire to get that going.

Happy Halloween! Hope your tricks are funny and your treats are delicious!

Race Recap- Rock N Roll Los Angeles

11 down, 3 to go..

It feels so strange being on this end of the goal and knowing that I'm so close to finishing. Setting this goal meant a lot of time, money and energy but it has been so worth it.

Yesterday was the Rock N Roll Los Angeles half marathon. And being so close to Halloween it meant that costumes were encouraged. 

Rachel and I participated and completed this race in 2011 (I cannot believe it's been that long!). It was a good course with a few challenges along the way, but challenges are good. 

I picked up my race packet on Saturday, asking Patrick to drive me. I'm not comfortable driving long distances, so doing it twice in one weekend just did not sound appealing. I bribed him with Tito's Tacos and he agreed to go.

I also told him that since he was making the trip for me on Saturday that he didn't need to be at the finish line on Sunday. Running is my hobby and I selfishly want someone at the finish line to take pictures and because it's just a nice thought to be running towards someone who is there supporting your goals. But after running for 3+ years I know that standing around waiting for someone isn't fun and I try not to ask Patrick to be there too much. He has his own things to do on a Sunday morning, so I try to save my requests for him being there to special ones or ones close to home. 

The morning started early so that I could have plenty of time to get to LA Live and the start line. I'm not very good without directions, so I used my phone to navigate me where I needed to go. Thankfully I found it easy enough and had plenty of time to walk around and keep my legs warmed up. 

The national anthem was performed (quite beautifully) and the first corral was off. They did individual starts, meaning the 7am start time equalled a 730 start time for the corral I was in. 

And then we were off and running..

My shins were pretty tight for the first 3 or so miles. I was not prepared for that because they usually loosen up after the first mile or two. I also wore a cotton top, which I was not used to and that proved to make it seem warmer than it was. I got into my head around mile 5 and actually said out loud "you cannot be hitting your wall yet." Although, maybe it was a good thing it happened so early because I pushed through and didn't feel like I hit a wall again. 

The course was the same as I remembered it. A good course with some challenging areas. 

I listened to my body and allowed myself two extra walk breaks, one going up a hill (I ran two intervals up and then needed to reset my interval timer so I gave myself an extra 30 seconds walking), and one during a water station. 

It was during that uphill portion around mile 9 that I got a text from Patrick that made me cry. 

He was at the finish line. 

My husband is not a romantic person (his words). He is a good man, but surprised like this are not the norm. So, when I received the text I was shocked. This was a moment that made me feel so very loved. 

I pushed on and enjoyed the rest of the run with a smile on my face, pushing past pain, self doubt and exhaustion. I just kept moving, keeping with my intervals until I reached mile 13 and I decided to push it and run straight to the end. 

I ran by Patrick, getting a high five and a "finish strong".

And I did. 2:49. Not a PR, not even reaching my personal goal of finishing in 2:45, but a great finish on a great race. Just because I didn't reach a time goal doesn't mean I didn't push my body and my mind to do something amazing. 

Never in a million years would I have ever thought I would be a runner. That I would look forward to getting up early to run insane amounts of miles. That I would push my body past it's limits. That I would willingly pay money to run a race for a medal, a shirt and a banana. But that's who I am. I am a runner. I have found the activity that makes me happy. I'm going to keep moving forward with it until I no longer can. I'm going to keep setting goals for myself. I'm going to keep proving to myself that I am kicking asphalt with each choice I make to lace up those shoes. Slow, fast, short, long, 5K, 10K, half, full, hills, speed, etc. It doesn't matter. What matters is that I am happy when I run. 

Onto the next one! Las Vegas, here we come!!

Long Distance Training Run- 17.12 miles

This weeks training run was an amazing and exhausting 17 miles. And I got to run in my favorite place..

Two weeks ago I had a difficult 15 mile training run. I wasn't too concerned about the distance beforehand because after running 13.1 on a pretty consistent basis this year adding two more didn't seem like that big of a deal. But add the heat and the hills and it became a mental and physical struggle to finish and I contemplated calling Patrick to pick me up multiple times (I didn't because I knew that he wouldn't). 

This week I was actually excited to push myself to 17 miles. I was looking forward to the challenge and knew how amazing it would feel to be done. 

But, to be done means you have to put in the work to get there, and 17 miles is a long way.. 

I forgot just how far until I got out there and started going. It's been over a year and a half since I last completed a marathon. Meaning it's been over a year and a half since I've trained for a marathon.

Half marathon training is a challenge, but a different kind of challenge. At this point running a half marathon is still physically and mentally exhausting, but less so than it used to be. 

Doubling that distance does things to your body and to your mind and even though I've completed three marathons so far and I know I will complete the three I plan to do next year, I'm starting at square one again.

Well, not quite square one.. 

When I decided to run my first marathon my furthest distance I had completed was 6.2 miles in a mud run race. That was square one.. This time training really started at 13.1 miles, but now that those miles are starting to increase it's getting a little nerve-wracking and exciting. 

Training is a dress rehearsal for race day. Although I won't make it to the full 26.2 miles this training session I am still using these longer distances as a chance to prepare completely. My muscles need to get used to it all again, but more importantly my mind needs to get used to it again.

I truly believe that at some point running is completely mental and you need to prepare as much as you can for that. It is very rare for me to run a race and not hit a wall. That's when you run with your head and your heart. 

So that's what I'll be working on.. Finding mental exercises to get through the long distances. 

As for today's run, it started with 11 miles with my best friend. This was her longest to date and I am so proud of her. I love watching people set goals for themselves and push past their comfort zones to reach them. It is going to be awesome crossing the finish line with her at her first half marathon in November. 

When we finished I went out for the last 6 miles. My hip had been sore almost the entire run, and it was really hurting when there was no one there to distract me. As much as I like to think I'm there supporting her, I know that she's doing the same for me and I wouldn't have made it today without her with me for the first 11. 

I relied on texting Patrick and talking to my mom and Isabel to make it the rest of the way. And I did make it the whole way. With a smile on my face. 

Another week down and I am so excited to be making progress. I am hoping this motivation stays with me awhile. I'll be needing it over the next 9+ months. 

Looking Back and Moving Forward

Two years ago:

Weight-

Measurements- 

Bust: 37.25

Waist: 31

Hips: 40

Arm: 11.5

Thigh: 23

Picture- 

Current:

Weight-

Measurements- 

Bust: 40

Waist: 35

Hips: 44.5

Arm: 12.5

Thigh: 25

Picture-

In a matter of two years I have gained 19.4 pounds, 2.75 inches in my bust, 4 inches in my waist, 4.5 inches in my hips, 1 inch in my arm and 2 inches in my thighs. 

I have also gained self-confidence. Pride in who I am as a person. Self respect for my body and what it has done for me. Acceptance of where I am in my life and what it took to get here. And a sense of overall amazement of what I have accomplished and what I am capable of. 

If you had asked me two years ago to look at a picture of myself (wedding photo) I would have immediately pointed out every single flaw I could see as well as those flaws made up in my head. That was one of the happiest days of my life and even so I looked only at the surface and saw only what I wanted to see, the negatives.. 

If you ask me today to look at a picture of myself today (current photo) I can see a beautiful smile of someone who is genuinely happy. I see a woman who is confident in her cute outfit picked out by a six year old who wanted to help her mom get ready for a date. 

Two years ago, I married my best friend. It has not been easy (and that's putting it nicely). We've had our fair share of arguments, of being pushed to our breaking points, but we've also had so many moments of laughter and of love. 

We've dealt with illnesses and surgeries, of supporting each other when those surgeries made us feel weak and useless.. 

We've seen each other at our absolute worst and still found the other to be the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with.. 

We've said hateful and awful things to each other and have chosen to forgive.. 

We've had financial stress that brought one (me) of us to tears, declaring that certain decisions were a mistake (see below)..

We've dealt with the adventures of buying our first home together and everything that entails..

We've become pet owners to one very sweet and hairy cat

And one very sweet and hyper dog

I've travelled many miles by foot, finding my personal love and passion for running and experienced the greatest support in Patrick with pre-race pep talks, during the race text message support and post-race massages as well as support when there were tears over injuries, self doubt and lack of confidence. 

I've accepted myself as a runner, no longer feeling the need to declare my comfort pace or the fact I run intervals or that I'm a "slow" runner. I am using the turtle as my spirit animal and owning the fact that no matter my pace I am out doing what I enjoy.

We've become better parents, learning patience and the best way to bring our strengths as parents together to be a team and on the same page.

I have spent much of the past two years of marriage trying to improve, but not in the areas that needed my attention. Trying to lose weight was my number one priority and finding that balance between eating well and training was a close second. Thinking that what I weighed and how I looked was the most important thing.

It wasn't until I reached a breaking point with my negative self talk that I finally realized my mental health needed to take priority, with my husband and daughter a close second. Now thinking that the most important thing is loving and accepting who you are and spending time with the ones you love. 

I've spent a very, very long time focusing on the negatives. With myself, my job, my home life, my body, my everything. I have missed way to many opportunities to laugh or to be present in my day to day life because I'm too concerned about a comment that was made or the way my stomach looks or a hundred forty-seven other silly things to be thinking about. 

In the grand scheme of things, 19.4 pounds and however many odd inches is nothing compared to the number of races I have completed, or the number of books Isabel and I have read together, or the number of times my husband has told me that he loves me. Those numbers mean nothing when I can walk into my home and see my pets greet me like I am the most important person on the planet and can give Isabel a good night hug and kiss after tucking her into bed. 

Those numbers have had a lot of control over me for a very long time, but I have (finally) arrived to the point of self-acceptance and self-love. 

Can I just say how much it has improve my life? My parenting is better, my marriage is better, my mood is better. Everything is just covered with rainbows and unicorn farts, and it's fan-freaking-tastic!! 

This post kind of went a few different random directions. But what it comes down to is that I finally feel like myself. I haven't felt this way in years.. Many, many years. And it feels great to be in this place. 

It gives me a chance to take a step back and appreciate the little things in life, like my family, my pets, running and those silly moments that I will look back on one day with such joy.

I've found a new sense of joy in the things that I do, so expect to see many more positive posts with lots of bragging about what I've done, excitement for what I plan to do and all of the in between!

It's been a roller coaster two years. I'm really looking forward to the next however many years I'm lucky enough to get!

Race Recap- RAD 10 Miler

I signed up for th RAD 10 Miler race about two weeks ago when I got an email for 15% off the entry price. It's a race I've wanted to complete for a few years now, but the first year I knew about the race was the weekend Patrick and I got married and last year we went away for our anniversary.

This year it still fell on our anniversary weekend, but we didn't go away this year so I decided to register. I knew it was going to be a challenge, and I knew I wouldn't have much time to train.

I drove the course on Friday in an attempt to prepare myself for what I was about to put myself through. It did the opposite though and I ended up more nervous than I already was about the hills, telling myself that there was no way I would be able to do it and no way I would finish in the time limit provided of 2.5 hours (15 minute miles). 

But I woke up yesterday morning ready to challenge myself. My main goal being to finish, but I also wanted to push myself and attempt to stay under 13 minute miles to finish in 2 hours 10 minutes. 

It was a perfect morning. I was worried it would be warm but it was a little chilly, perfect running conditions. 

The course was amazing, and it's courses like this that I'm grateful to be a slower runner. It gives me a chance to appreciate my surroundings. 

I maintained my intervals the entire way, telling myself at each hill that 1. It's only 30 seconds of running at a time 2. It will be over eventually and 3. On the way back it will be downhill. Unfortunately that also meant that all the downhill on the first half would be uphill during the second half. 

I told myself that no matter what happened I needed to listen to my body. If I needed to walk more, I could. If I needed to walk an entire hill, no shame. But I was feeling so great yesterday that I just kept going. 30 seconds at a time. And I made it. 

I was able to keep each mile under 13 minute miles and finished in 2:06:09. 

There were a total of 99 runners in the 10 miler. I finished as number 98. There's something pretty cool about being a back of the pack runner. The support I received from the front of the pack runners as the ran by me on their way to the finish, as well as the cheers I received from the police officers and volunteers was pretty special and so appreciated. I was having a great run, and I think it showed on my face as I couldn't stop smiling. 

I felt like this race was a challenge to myself. I've done the distance before and I've run hills before, but I purposefully do not run races with this many hills. I don't know why though. I was able to prove to myself yesterday that I can do what I set out to do. And I am proud.

Finally.