Having Motivation vs Keeping Motivation

I think I figured out why I keep starting over. It's simple really.. You see, the motivation I start with fades and I don't have what I need to keep it going- determination. 

When the momentum and motivation end it's important to work off of your determination to keep things going. But for some reason I keep searching for the motivation instead of working off of determination. I'm also realizing that I want these things to happen, but that's where it ends. I have yet to do what I need to in order to see the results.

Some days are going to be difficult. Some days I'm going to have zero desire to go for a walk or a run or to ride the stationary bike or to do a strength DVD. I think those may be the days I need to do it the most. And that's what I need to remember.

I think I also need to remember that my desire to get to that finish line isn't as strong as my desire to stop starting over. That may be the most frustrating thing for me. Especially when I look back to where I was and then look to where I am now. Or even when I think about where I could be if I had kept going.

But as I keep saying I can't think about the would've could've should've I have to think about where I am now where I'm starting now. And I have to be proud of the fact that I am starting again and not getting up. 

That may be one of my biggest faults. Not giving myself enough credit for the things that I do. I'm too busy focusing on the things that I don't do or didn't finish and not looking at the things that I did do and did finish. Somehow the things I didn't do take priority and hold stronger weight than the things that I have accomplished. Seems pretty silly, but it's something that I'm working on.

So I'm going to celebrate the successes, no matter how big or small they may seem. I'm going to be proud of the work outs I complete even if it means that I've postponed them to a different day. I'm going to continue to cycles I'm going to continue to work towards them and I'm going to continue to accomplish them one by one.

I feel determined to accomplish them one by one.

If you years ago has successfully completed my first full marathon with my sister. Afterwords we went to dinner with our families and my mom gave me a card that on the front side kick ass take names, both of the checkmark next to it. I'm ready to feel that way again. I'm ready to kick ass, and I am ready to take names.

Yesterday. I wanted to click running cross training and strength training on one calendar. Unfortunately/fortunately my races go all the way through December 2015. Being the planner that I am, whether it's working the past or not, I decided to plan out the rest of 2015. As long as I keep some level of flexibility and a lot of motivation and determination I know that I can accomplish more workouts then I don't. I know realistically that the occasional workout will be messed or skipped for various reasons, but as long as I keep those reasons realistic then there is no reason why I should feel guilty or bad about it.

I'll be honest, I do like the fact that it is all planned out and scheduled. But, I'm not gonna lie. It is a little overwhelming to look at a month at a time and even a week at a time. So my plan for now is to go day by day. I'm going to try to only focus on today's workout today. I'm not going to look back at to what I did or didn't do yesterday, and I'm not going to look at what I have to do tomorrow.

Except, I am going to look back at yesterday so that I can tell you on day one I completed a 2.04 mile walk at work on my first break, a 2.04 walk on my lunch break, a 3.01 walk at my parents house, and 30 minutes on the stationary bike. Monday's crosstraining = complete.

Today's schedule called for a walk and strength training. I got in a 1.35 mile walk at work on my break. I got home and did my strength DVD, Jillian Michaels 30 day shred level one. Then I went for another walk. 2.57 miles. Got to get to 1400 somehow.

I'm feeling good, and I'm just going to keep this going one day at a time until the momentum fades and I have to find something else to get it back. But maybe it won't fade. Maybe it will just keep going. Maybe my stubborn nature will take over and I will be too determined to see each workout accomplished. For now the goal is to have more pink highlights than blue. Pink meaning I've accomplished and blue meaning I skipped it. 

Maybe one month I'll have an entire shade of pink highlights.

I'm just happy and ready to celebrate the fact that I'm on day two and have accomplished both days exactly as scheduled. Who knows what tomorrow will bring..