Mentally Preparing for 48.6 Miles

I'm at the point in my training where I'm starting to doubt everything. I'm doubting whether I am physically ready for this. I'm doubting whether I'm mentally ready for this. And most of all I'm doubting whether or not it really counts.

They posted pictures of the race shirts on Facebook yesterday and it felt like someone punched me in the gut when I saw them. That nasty little voice in the back of my mind kept nagging to me that it doesn't mean as much because I'm not there actually running the race. It has nothing to do with the distance and me finishing on Sunday provides me no rights to bragging because I don't have the shirts or the medals to show off. 

I know that it's not the same, and I'm not trying to say that it is. I'm calling it Tracy's Dose of Dopey because it's not the Dopey Challenge, but the idea behind it did come from it. I'm obviously not in Florida preparing to run each race with thousands of other runners ready to prove something to themselves. But I am here ready to prove something to myself. 

If I had everything I wanted, I would be in Florida. I would be at the expo picking up my packets. Getting excited about what bib numbers I got, overwhelmed by the amount of people, excited for 5 new running shirts. 

But that's not life. Life has us make choices, and I chose that Dopey and Disney World and Florida just was not a smart move for me to make financially. And I don't know if it ever will be. Or by the time it is I may not be running the way my body can now. 

I'm still trying to tell myself that running 48.6 miles over four days is still going to be an amazing accomplishment, that I don't need the race environment to make it real. 48.6 miles is 48.6 miles no matter where I am.. 

Maybe if I keep saying it I will actually believe it..

I'm getting too far into my head to that negative place that tells me it's not good enough. I don't want to be there. I want to be excited about the next few days and all that I am getting ready to do to myself. It means something and it counts. To me and to my family and friends, the ones who support me and all my crazy running goals. 

So here goes nothing. 

Day one! 5K..