Weigh In #10

I did not go into this week with any expectations other then the fact that I wanted to track the entire week. I got to Sunday and about -50 something points when I gave up and continued the downward spiral of self hatred. It wasn't pretty and I'm definitely not proud of myself or what I have been doing to my body.

I stood there Sunday, with tears in my eyes, telling myself that I need to quit Weight Watcher's. That I was wasting money each month by paying for it but not following the program, not losing weight, not doing anything positive to be a healthier person.

But I didn't. I made it through Monday and come Tuesday morning I realized exactly what I needed to do. I need to actually do the program. The reason it hasn't been working is because I have not been working the program. I know what works and I know how to see success. I just haven't been putting in that effort and it's not right of me to want to quit something for not working before I put in a real effort to it.

I started August with full intention to have a "perfect" month of workouts. I made a schedule that I was planning on sticking to as closely as possible and I was ready to make it mine. My body had other plans though and as soon as I started breaking in my new pair of running shoes my body rebelled and I have two blisters, one on each heel.

There are so many worse things, however these blisters (the one on my left heel in particular) brought me to tears last night (for multiple reasons). They hurt, and putting my shoes on to take Camper for her walk brought on such intense pain that I stopped about two steps in and took my shoes off in a panic to make it stop. But, the main reason I started crying was because I was upset to not be able to workout or run in order to let them heal.

I was signed up for a half marathon this coming Sunday and I was freaking out that I wouldn't be able to run, ending my goal of completing 14 half marathons in 2014. Yes, I admit my reaction was dramatic, but I allowed myself the night to freak out before working on a solution this morning.

I still need to figure out how I'm going to break in these shoes without causing a new blister, but I am allowing myself the rest of this week to heal before attempting these shoes again.

As for the motivation in working out? I'm just hoping it sticks around until I can wear my shoes again and I can start back up where I left off. The week off will be taken as a sign that I need it and can focus on my eating instead.

As for the race? Well, thankfully the race director is beyond amazing and allowed me to transfer my registration from the race on Sunday to another of their races in September. I am still on track to complete 14 half marathons in 2014! Thankfully it's not too far away, and to be honest, I've completed this race two years ago and it was HOT on the bike path. I'm also close enough to run on the wash any time I want without paying for it..

The course in September is the same course that I ran in January when there were some pretty strong winds. I am hoping the winds stay away in September (although you never know!) and I can attempt to PR the course.

For now, all I know is that August is going to be my month. Since I can't make it a perfect month in regards to working out or tracking I'm going to just make it as best I can. That means that I'm going to be tracking, making better choices and working out as soon as I can.

I can't expect things to change if I don't change anything. So, here I am, making some positive changes. I am worth this. I am capable of doing this. I am no longer doing this for anyone else and I believe in myself enough to do this for me.