Looking Back and Moving Forward

Two years ago:

Weight-

Measurements- 

Bust: 37.25

Waist: 31

Hips: 40

Arm: 11.5

Thigh: 23

Picture- 

Current:

Weight-

Measurements- 

Bust: 40

Waist: 35

Hips: 44.5

Arm: 12.5

Thigh: 25

Picture-

In a matter of two years I have gained 19.4 pounds, 2.75 inches in my bust, 4 inches in my waist, 4.5 inches in my hips, 1 inch in my arm and 2 inches in my thighs. 

I have also gained self-confidence. Pride in who I am as a person. Self respect for my body and what it has done for me. Acceptance of where I am in my life and what it took to get here. And a sense of overall amazement of what I have accomplished and what I am capable of. 

If you had asked me two years ago to look at a picture of myself (wedding photo) I would have immediately pointed out every single flaw I could see as well as those flaws made up in my head. That was one of the happiest days of my life and even so I looked only at the surface and saw only what I wanted to see, the negatives.. 

If you ask me today to look at a picture of myself today (current photo) I can see a beautiful smile of someone who is genuinely happy. I see a woman who is confident in her cute outfit picked out by a six year old who wanted to help her mom get ready for a date. 

Two years ago, I married my best friend. It has not been easy (and that's putting it nicely). We've had our fair share of arguments, of being pushed to our breaking points, but we've also had so many moments of laughter and of love. 

We've dealt with illnesses and surgeries, of supporting each other when those surgeries made us feel weak and useless.. 

We've seen each other at our absolute worst and still found the other to be the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with.. 

We've said hateful and awful things to each other and have chosen to forgive.. 

We've had financial stress that brought one (me) of us to tears, declaring that certain decisions were a mistake (see below)..

We've dealt with the adventures of buying our first home together and everything that entails..

We've become pet owners to one very sweet and hairy cat

And one very sweet and hyper dog

I've travelled many miles by foot, finding my personal love and passion for running and experienced the greatest support in Patrick with pre-race pep talks, during the race text message support and post-race massages as well as support when there were tears over injuries, self doubt and lack of confidence. 

I've accepted myself as a runner, no longer feeling the need to declare my comfort pace or the fact I run intervals or that I'm a "slow" runner. I am using the turtle as my spirit animal and owning the fact that no matter my pace I am out doing what I enjoy.

We've become better parents, learning patience and the best way to bring our strengths as parents together to be a team and on the same page.

I have spent much of the past two years of marriage trying to improve, but not in the areas that needed my attention. Trying to lose weight was my number one priority and finding that balance between eating well and training was a close second. Thinking that what I weighed and how I looked was the most important thing.

It wasn't until I reached a breaking point with my negative self talk that I finally realized my mental health needed to take priority, with my husband and daughter a close second. Now thinking that the most important thing is loving and accepting who you are and spending time with the ones you love. 

I've spent a very, very long time focusing on the negatives. With myself, my job, my home life, my body, my everything. I have missed way to many opportunities to laugh or to be present in my day to day life because I'm too concerned about a comment that was made or the way my stomach looks or a hundred forty-seven other silly things to be thinking about. 

In the grand scheme of things, 19.4 pounds and however many odd inches is nothing compared to the number of races I have completed, or the number of books Isabel and I have read together, or the number of times my husband has told me that he loves me. Those numbers mean nothing when I can walk into my home and see my pets greet me like I am the most important person on the planet and can give Isabel a good night hug and kiss after tucking her into bed. 

Those numbers have had a lot of control over me for a very long time, but I have (finally) arrived to the point of self-acceptance and self-love. 

Can I just say how much it has improve my life? My parenting is better, my marriage is better, my mood is better. Everything is just covered with rainbows and unicorn farts, and it's fan-freaking-tastic!! 

This post kind of went a few different random directions. But what it comes down to is that I finally feel like myself. I haven't felt this way in years.. Many, many years. And it feels great to be in this place. 

It gives me a chance to take a step back and appreciate the little things in life, like my family, my pets, running and those silly moments that I will look back on one day with such joy.

I've found a new sense of joy in the things that I do, so expect to see many more positive posts with lots of bragging about what I've done, excitement for what I plan to do and all of the in between!

It's been a roller coaster two years. I'm really looking forward to the next however many years I'm lucky enough to get!